


Mistakes That Got Me On My Knees.

by Anna_Peach



Series: Show Up When You’re All Fucked Up. [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Porn, Bad Dirty Talk, Because they've both been drinking, Ben Solo is a Mess, Come Marking, Crying, Doggy Style, Drinking, Established Relationship, Exes, F/M, Hate Sex, I'm sorry again, Kinda, Mildly Dubious Consent, Missionary Position, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rey Hates Kylo Ren, Rey Needs A Hug, Smoking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26138335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Peach/pseuds/Anna_Peach
Summary: Rey sees her ex, Ben, at a wedding, instead of listening to the logical side of her brain and actively ignoring him, she lets him seek her out and lead her up to his hotel room.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Show Up When You’re All Fucked Up. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936723
Comments: 12
Kudos: 47





	Mistakes That Got Me On My Knees.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning, there is no discussion of contraceptives and also they've both been drinking. 
> 
> this is trash promise,

Rey walks out to the patio, her bridesmaid dress pushing against her and between her legs with the wind, she pulls her jacket tighter around her shoulders, _who gets married in October anyways?_ She reaches into her pocket for the pack of cigarettes she’d bought last night, already half gone. Two years she’d been nicotine free, then that damned rehearsal dinner happened, now she’s smoked half a pack in less than twenty-four hours. 

“Thought you quit?” Rey jumps, his voice is smooth as ever, buttery and low, the stuff wet dreams are made of, the stuff Rey’s wet (and not so wet) dreams were made of, but an oceans distance and two years make a girl fantasise about different things. Like getting a dog and moving to the countryside, to never have to deal with thoughts of him again.

“Special occasion.” She grunts, not bothering to turn around and face him. She hopes he’ll get the hint and leave her be, go back inside or go back to wherever he came from. 

“I don’t think Paige would approve.” He’s chiding her, all these years later and he still thinks he can treat her like a child. He might be gorgeous, tall and one of the best lays off her life but she is an _adult_ and deserves to be treated as such. Her ignoring him isn’t petulance, it's self-preservation. 

“Of the jacket, not just the smoking.” He adds, shutting the glass door into the ostentatiously decorated hall. 

Rey pulls the leather even tighter to her chest, “Not that it’s any of your business, Solo,” She twists on one of the incredibly high heels that Paige had insisted on, “But, I have more going on in my life than all this.” She waves her cigarette in the air before taking a long, steadying drag, moving to walk back inside. 

“Oh?” He raises an eyebrow, taking a drag of his own smoke. She waits for his exhale, he’s so smug that she can’t help turning back around, to snark back at him. 

“You lost the privilege of knowing what’s going on in my life when you left me.” Bitterness weaves between the words as she walks further from the door to lean against the stone fence that encloses the space. If she pushes her hips out to accentuate how small her dress makes her waist look as it flows into her ass then so be it. She knows he’s looking, knows that he always liked looking. 

“You know I had no choice.” 

She turns her head, he’s beside her now, she hadn’t even heard his footsteps, Rey can’t decide if it’s because he has magically gained the graceful agility of a deer in the time they’ve been apart, or if it’s just the thundering of her heart in her ears drowning out everything but his voice. Rey raises an eyebrow at him, blowing her smoke straight up even though she wants to be spiteful and blow it directly in his face. 

“I don’t want to do this with you.” His voice is lower now, has an edge to it that Rey doesn’t recognise. He throws the half-smoked butt and grinds it into the ground with the tip of his shoe.

As he turns to walk away Rey can’t help herself, as angry as she is at him, even all this time later, she can’t stand watching him leave again. “Do what?” Her voice is still strong, even if she can feel the burn in the back of her throat signalling to the oncoming tears.

“Why can’t you just be _nice_ to me Rey?” He’s in her face now, his face is angry but his tone is desperate. She could easily grab onto the lapels of his dark suit jacket and pull him down to her, make them both forget he ever left. 

“Why can’t I?” She scoffs instead, unable to believe idiocy, “You _know_ why I can’t be. You know I can't stand here and pretend that I’m alright, that if I smile wide enough, talk fast enough, smoke more than I ever have and drink ‘til I drown. I’m not gonna be able to pretend I’m alright with this. You _left_ me!” _You broke my heart._

Rey stabs her cigarette end into the stone wall, and turns to go back inside to check her makeup before her tears have a chance to ruin it. 

“Rey, I-.” She doesn't hear the rest of his sentence as the glass door clicks shut behind her.

* * *

Three tequila slammers later and Rey is feeling more like herself, laughing as Paige is led around the dancefloor by her sister in a ridiculous parody of a waltz, Rey isn’t the only one that is taking advantage of the free flowing liquor, and even if tequila isn’t setting appropriate, Paige did one of them with her, which led to Rose wanting to do one together, and then another, and now Rey has a buzz in the tips of her fingers and her smile doesn’t feel as forced as it did an hour ago. 

At least until Ben is standing beside her as she leans over the bar, calling over the bartender easily, she’d been trying to get his attention for a few minutes and Ben walks over and is served right away? Rey knows it isn’t Ben’s fault but she can still resent him for it. 

“Can I have a whiskey neat and a chardonnay, please?” He asks, before turning towards Rey, “This should probably be your last drink.”

“What do you mean _‘this’_?” She asks, affronted. 

He presses the chardonnay into her hand that is resting on the bar top, “This, you’re welcome by the way.” 

As he goes to walk away with his drink Rey follows him, she knows she shouldn’t, that if she was sober she would have left the wine and walked as far from him as possible. 

“Look I don’t wanna be a buzzkill, why do you keep talking to me, when you never spoke to me then. I don’t wanna ruin your evening, but you’re so close to ruining mine.” Her voice has a whine in it that makes her sound childish, she hates herself for it but she never could control her emotions around him. 

He stops and Rey leans down to pull her too tall shoes off, she can feel herself stumbling along and would rather not end up smeared across the smooth wooden floor. 

He gives her a look that shoots straight to her stomach, exasperation and longing wrapped up in a tiredness that she can’t identify the cause of. She shouldn't want to know the cause, shouldn’t want to lie in a bed with him talking his problems through until the early hours, waiting for him to find sleep. She shouldn’t want that because he chose his career over her, he chose it before even telling her he’d been offered it. She found out from a contract he’d stuffed inside of his old bookcase, she only found it because she was being nosy, looking for a book his mother mentioned. He left two weeks later. 

“I just wanna know where your heads at, It’s been a while… Have you moved on?” His speech is stilted as his body curls in on itself.

Rey swings her shoes in one hand as she heads outside again, she knows her friends will be keenly watching this exchange, she knows this shouldn’t be public, she knows it will most likely end in tears or screaming, or both. 

As soon as the cool night air hits her she turns to face him, there are more people out here than before, but they’re spread out enough that they shouldn’t hear the exchange Rey is about to have.

“I’ve dated.” She says, tone low but her volume steady, her eyes are cast downward as she wraps her arms around her bare shoulders. She wishes she had kept her jacket with her but Paige and Rose would’ve killed her if she’d even left it resting over her chair. She can’t even reach for a smoke, her damned dress doesn’t have pockets and she refused to carry one of those stupid clutch bags Paige had offered. 

“And?” He’s close to her now, his body crowding into her personal space, she didn’t think he’d drunk that much but clearly he isn’t as sober as she thought.

“They didn’t compare.” Rey breathes out, her voice barely there blending with the wind that whips her hair into her face. She brushes it away and takes a long sip from her wine glass. She can’t meet his eyes, instead opting to stare at his ridiculously shiny shoes. 

“To me?”

“To you.”

“I really am sorry, I- I think about it a lot.” 

Her head snaps up, “About not telling me that you were leaving to work for a corrupt organisation on the other side of the damn planet.” It isn’t a question, it’s a loaded accusation. 

“No, Rey, honestly I- I wanted to tell you but- _shit_ , this has gone way off track.” He scrubs a hand over his face before pushing it into his hair, “I think about you, about being with you, about what we could have had. What we did have and- _fuck._ ” The words sound almost rehearsed in the way he’s looking up at the night sky, not at her until they’re all out. He stares into her eyes, begging her to repeat a similar sentiment back to him. 

“You think about... Being with me?” He nods, his mouth drawn down, “And what do you think about?” Rey rubs her hand up his arm, _fuck it,_ if she has to pretend to be happy tonight she might as well get something out of it, the temporary reprieve that will come with the orgasm that Ben will undoubtably give her, more than worth the pain of him leaving her again. At least, this is what her alcohol soaked hindbrain is telling her.

Ben swallows loudly, “Well it depends, sometimes it’s that dinner we had when you first met my mother,” Rey snorts her disapproval, “But… sometimes it’s the night you got your first real contract with that architecture firm, how we celebrated, what we- what you let me do to you.” 

Rey hums, “Oh.”

This seems only to spur Ben on, “How easily you took me, how many times I got you to come before I even let you have my cock.” He’s whispering in her ear now, and there’s a part of Rey that is screaming at her to walk away, that this man only has nefarious intentions and will break her heart again when it hasn’t had a chance to recover from the first tear, let alone the gaping lacerations that resulted in his actual disappearance. 

The larger part of her makes her let out a breathy sigh and push her chest into his, he’s like a furnace in the cold night, it’s only natural for her to push her body into his as he looks down at her. The complete tone change between them causing her dizzy brain to jump feet first down into the chasm of debauchery. She has to press her thighs together, she can feel the slickness forming between them.

“I don’t- I haven’t done anything like that since you.” She murmurs as his arms come to wrap around her waist. 

“But you want to?” His thumbs are rubbing a pattern into the small of her back now, and it’s intoxicating, the headiness of his touch affecting her in a different way than the alcohol does. “I’m staying in the hotel, you know?”

That clears Rey’s head slightly, giving her pause as she considers his offer, had she not found him to be the most repulsive man here earlier? But then is he also not the only man to give her more than one satisfying orgasm during sex? 

“We should probably talk about- _stuff_ first” Now it’s her turn for her words to come out awkward, her hand pushing lightly at his chest. The space will allow her to breathe, to realise how ridiculous it is that she’s even considering sleeping with this fascist.

He only groans before grabbing her hand and walking her back through the doors into the hall, all the way to the flower arch that marks the exit into the hotel lobby. “Is this okay?” He asks as he leads her to the elevator. 

“Ben?” She looks up at him, it’s like the cloud over her eyes lifts as she looks into his, she’s transported to when they first met, she can’t believe she ever thought he was unattractive, his nose fits his face so well, it’s size might look odd on anyone else but it balances well against the set of his eyes and plump lips, they look so soft, begging to be against her throat. But his eyes, his eyes are what made her fall in love with him in the beginning, the hazel irises interrupted by a brown starburst that melts Rey into a puddle. They can hold so much fire, anger and yet still be soft for her at the same time. Looking at him now, she wants to pretend that she’s back there, sat beside him at his mother's dining room table, or on towels at a beach further from home than Rey’d ever been before. Or, drinking in the same bar she’d been going to before she was legal, showing her new types of liquor until he knew exactly what she liked and why. Laid beside him in her too small bed, curled into him as she cried at disney movies she hadn’t seen before. He’d shown her so much and could show her so much more, if only she stepped into that elevator and went to his room with him.

“I want this.” She presses the up button before he has a chance to. 

* * *

She’s breathless, pressed against the door to his room, his mouth pressing against the exposed column of her throat, his hands never ceasing their exploration of her body, pushing into the dip in her waist, moving around her to press in between her bare shoulder blades, grabbing at the ample flesh of her backside. _Still an ass man, then._

“ _Ben_.” Rey moans as her hands run through his hair, keeping his head at her neck as he sucks a pleasurably painful bruise into her skin.

He makes a sound to acknowledge her as he presses his hips into her own, before pulling back from her neck and discarding his suit jacket to the floor on the left of her. “Get on the bed, all fours.” 

Rey scrambles to do as he says, they’ve been apart for so long, and although they never truly dipped into her darker sexual fantasies, Rey always enjoyed when he gave her clear instructions, when he was in charge of her pleasure. 

“Good.” He breathes out as she wiggles her hips in what she hopes is an enticing motion, “Good girl.” She watches him as he moves behind her, a flush creeping up her neck as he pushes her dress from her knees upwards, using a little more force to get it over her hips and leaving it to rest around her waist. 

“ _Fuck.”_ His hands are on her ass as soon as he lets go of the satin, “You’re such a slut, not wearing any panties, you know how many men down there want you?” He goes to put his palm over her sex. “And you make yourself so available to them all, but I’m the only one that gets to have you. Isn’t that right?” 

His thumb is circling her clit now, his fingers pushing through her labia as he waits for an answer. “Right Rey?” 

Rey groans, pushing her head down to the bed, “Yes, only you.” 

She can hear his smug smirk as he responds, “Good girl.” Then she feels one of his thick fingers pressing into her, she can’t help it as her back bows further, lowering her abdomen towards the mattress and he makes circles both inside and outside of her body. Rey has never met anyone with such talented hands and right now she can’t even think about anyone else, the pace of his fingers picking up as her whimpers get louder. 

“How quick do you think I can make you come?” He’s talking to himself, Rey is too far gone to form a coherent sentence about anything let alone consider and respond to his question, that is, until his hand stills. 

She moans petulantly, pushing herself back into his hand. “Uh, uh, Rey. I need you to tell me before you’re allowed to come, need you to tell me how fast I make you come.” 

He pushes a second finger into her, the stretch only dimly registering, she’s too far gone, too wet for it to cause her anything but pleasure. “So fast, faster than anyone else, please, more.” She moans into the cotton sheets, as he gets faster, his fingers press down into her front with earnest, his other arm comes to wrap under her midsection and, _oh, that’s new._ His tongue has joined his fingers as he pushes his face between her shaking legs. 

“Ben!” Her moans are getting louder and higher as his tongue swipes around her clit, occasionally pushing in with his fingers, “Ben, I’m- I’m gonna.” She keens loudly before she tightens around his fingers, his arm around her waist the only thing keeping her from falling face first into the pillows.

She doesn’t have any opportunity to recover as he’s pushing the tip of himself into her, “Forgot how good this feels, how good you feel.” He’s halfway in now, his fingertips pressing into her hips as he stills, breathing through his nose at the way she clenches around him. 

Rey’s mind is blissfully blank, her thoughts centred only on the burn of the stretch of him and how it feels so good, how he’s only halfway in and she’s so impossibly full, how she can feel the way his cock curves slightly. 

“You’re so wet, _how are you so wet?_ ” He can’t stop murmuring his awe in her ear as he leans his body over her own. Rey’s head is buried in her arms, unable to find the energy to do more than push her hips back onto his, signalling to push further, to move. 

His hips are pistoning into her own at a punishing speed, she’s only remained on her knees from his arms supporting her, pulling her back into him. “ _Shit.”_ Ben pulls out suddenly, moving away from her as his thumb comes up to rub against her clit again, she clenches around nothing, whining at the loss. 

“Come on, turn over, wanna see your face as you come.” His voice is gravelly, she can tell that he must’ve been close before he pulled out. Rey whines again as he picks her up and rolls her onto her back, the movement stretching her sore legs. 

“Wait, wait, you’ll ruin my dress.” Rey is finally coming back into herself, realising what they’re doing in her very expensive dress that she will definitely have to get dry cleaned. 

“Too late.” He smiles down at her, and it’s real, his crooked teeth and long dimples making their first appearance all night, and it makes Rey lose her breath, she’d forgotten what it was like, seeing him smile at her like that, like she was the only other person in the world. 

She moves to unzip the side of her dress anyways, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and pull it over her head, it’s already bunched around her waist anyways, the blue satin falling into a heap at her feet before she moves back to the bed. 

He’s laying there watching her, she doesn’t know when he ditched his suit, can’t remember if it was before they started fucking or if he’s only just stripped himself of the expensive fabric. She moves to push herself into his side, hand resting on his stomach, sliding up over the rigid muscles there and up, skirting over his moles and nipples, the scars he never had before he left. It worries at the back of her brain, why there are so many more little white lines and pock marks that he never had before. How can he have so many more scars in only two years, some more pink than others, if she spent long enough she could probably identify which were the newest.

“What happened?” She murmurs, still all too aware of the wetness between her legs, she needs to know though, irrational as it is, she still cares about him. 

He grunts, his hand moving to palm himself, “Hazard of the job, Come ‘ere.” Realising he won’t talk about it as he strains in his fist, precum leaking steadily from the tip, she moves, lifting one of her legs over his own, straddling him, thighs straight as he pushes his tip through her folds, if she bent her knees a little more he’d be inside.

“Can we-” Rey doesn’t know if she can ask for certain things, if this strange bubble they find themselves in lets them be more intimate before she goes back to resenting him. “Can I kiss you?” 

His response comes in the form of him moving to wrap his arms around her neck, pulling her down to him and biting her bottom lip harshly. “Definitely.” His cock forgotten, his hands roving over her body as he explores her mouth, tongue running against her teeth as they both let out whimpers and moans. 

Finally, he moves one of his hands down to hold his dick steady as she pushes down onto it, the angle changing the way it presses into her, so different and yet familiar, and no one could ever compare to him, it’s like he was perfectly made to fit inside of her. 

He groans, pistoning his hips into her and their mouths continue to clash. Rey pulls back to catch her breath, with her new angle though, he presses into her differently, causing sparks to race down her spine, “You’re so big- I-” She can’t form coherent thoughts, sentences are nearly impossible, the only thing racing through her mind, “Close! ’M so close, I’m gonna come, Ben, _Ben_!” She’s hysterical. He holds tightly onto her as she falls apart above him.

 _“Fuck Rey!”_ He shouts as he pulls out of her trembling body to spill himself across her back. 

She falls against him, breathless as their chests heave. She can feel him cooling on her back but her legs feel numb from the power of her orgasm. She knows Ben though, know that as his hands glide across her back, rubbing his spend into her skin, he’ll be asleep within five minutes. He never could stay awake after they’ve fucked. 

“I’ve missed you.” He whispers into her hair, she only hums in response. 

Once his breathing evens out, she slips off the bed, into the bathroom to wipe the drying come off her back, slip her dress back on and make her hair look less like she’s just been fucked. 

As she gets into her uber she finally lets her emotions wash over her, tears silently rolling down her cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be praise kink and hate sex, guess that didn't happen, maybe next time. Except I can't make these two hate each other, even when characterisation is basically non-existent. I wrote this because I can't find motivation to write my multi chap, even when I've been drinking.  
> Anyways, here's my shitty [Twitter](https://twitter.com/HaysianBarbie).


End file.
